


the hint of a spark

by EmmaArthur (EchoBleu)



Series: our hands clasped so tight [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate POV, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Jesse Manes is His Own Warning, M/M, Tiny Snippet, music therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/pseuds/EmmaArthur
Summary: Alex's POV when he sees Michael for the first time in ten years (alternate POV forour hands clasped so tight)
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: our hands clasped so tight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716952
Comments: 23
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in answer to a Tumblr ask meme sent by Molly (manesalex) and I thought it would be nice to get into Alex's head a little! This is his POV on the very beginning of our hands, when Michael enters the music therapy room.

Alex waves to Rosa as he walks inside the hospital's group therapy room, but she only answers with a short nod, as she's already talking to someone. There are three more people already in the room, who he has to skirt around to reach the piano. He scowls, annoyed at himself. He should have been here at least ten minutes ago. 

Rosa joins him just as he sits down on the piano bench. “I was getting worried,” she says. 

“Sorry,” Alex signs once he's set his guitar and his crutch aside. “PT ran late. What do you need me to do today?”

“Probably just accompany anyone who needs it,” Rosa answers, leaning against the side of the piano. Alex shifts on the bench to face her and stretches out his leg. “I'll have them play something of their choice to start with. I'm a little nervous, to be honest.” She switches to signing for the last sentence, and Alex frowns briefly before it dawns on him that she doesn't want the three people who are already there for the session to hear. “I've never done this before.”

“You know what you're doing,” he signs back. “This group is a great idea and you know it.”

“Yes, but I've never worked with a group of adults!”

“Rosa, it's not that different from individual sessions, and you're going to do fine−” Alex interrupts himself mid-sentence, as the man Rosa was talking to when he came in turns toward them, and Alex sees his face for the first time.

“Alex,” the man breathes, meeting his eyes.

Alex forces the air out of his lungs and chokes a little. The voice, the face, are so familiar that it hurts, even ten years later. _Michael_. 

He goes to sign before his brain signals in alarm that he doesn't have a name sign for Michael, and that Michael probably won't understand anyway. He jumps straight to the thought that Michael hasn't seen him since he lost his voice, and starts to panic. 

He opens his mouth, but as usual these days, nothing come out. He licks his lips, tries again, mouths Michael's name, coughs. “Michael” finally comes out as a croak, barely audible, and Alex simultaneously wants the floor to swallow him and Michael's arms around him. 

Shit. He needs to calm himself down. 

Michael looks older, grown. The stubble on his face is probably the main reason for that, because his face hasn't changed a bit. He has bags under his eyes, but his curls still look like all of Alex's dreams come true. 

“This is unexpected,” Michael says, coming closer. “It's been a long time.” His voice isn't quite steady, but then Alex doesn't feel steady at all.

H e wants to answer, but bumps into the same issue again. Michael won't understand A SL . He's normally more prepared than this, but he also rarely meets someone new this unexpectedly, and even less someone he has a history with. 

“You two know each other?” Rosa saves him. “Oh, right, if you were in school with Liz you'd know Alex. Of course.”

“Wait,” Alex signs quickly for Rosa's benefit, and he opens his guitar case's front pocket to take out his tablet. He quickly switches the voice output on and types, “Michael. It's been a while.”

He dislikes having to use AAC, the synthetic voice that grates on his nerves and just isn't _his_ , and he hates the shock and confusion on Michael's face even more. 

“What is this?” Michael asks, gesturing to the tablet.

“I can't speak, so I use this as my voice,” Alex explains, making a face as the voice comes out slightly too loud. “Unless you know ASL?”

Michael shakes his head after a pregnant pause. “Not enough to hold a conversation. You can't speak? I mean−” 

Alex bites his lip, trying to figure out how to explain it. It's one thing to have to disclose his medical history to strangers on a weekly basis. It's another to tell the one person who _should_ by all rights know all about it, because he was there. 

But Alex hasn't seen Michael since his father dragged him out of the shed that day, after taking a hammer to his hand. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's (very short) POV of the song scene in chapter 1 of our hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for milzillia for an ask meme on Tumblr.

Alex swallows, smiling encouragingly as Michael  starts beating the time with his foot . This might be a terrible idea. He probably shouldn't have suggested this particular song, the one they played together so much.  He strums the first few  chords almost shyly. Then Michael starts singing, and it hits him, hard.

Out of all the things he's lost, Alex sometimes thinks that losing his singing voice was the worse. It's a different kind of grief. He mourned for the loss of independence and normality, for the days and weeks wasted to pain and i llness and PT, for  all the every day things that have become a struggle ,  but singing was something he  _liked._ Something he was good at, that was just for himself. In the midst of his long hospital stay and the trial, it was a long time before Alex really got to grieve, but in his darkest days, when his brain told him to end it all already, singing was what he missed the most.

Hearing Michael sing, his disused but beautiful voice saying the words Alex used to love so much, is a brutal kind of catharsis for that grief. Alex feels tears running down his face as he strums the guitar, and his eyes fall on Michael's scarred hand. Is he feeling the same thing right now, mourning for the music that he lost? He once told Alex that playing the guitar was the only thing that made his mind go quiet.

There's a very brief, contained wave of rage at his father, stronger than Alex has had in a while. He's glad that Michael has his eyes closed, so he doesn't see the pure fury that must cross his face. Jesse Manes took this from them, from both of them. He very nearly took everything from Alex, twice.

He's dead, now. He can't hurt anyone else like he hurt them.

“ _The time for sleep is now_

_But it's nothing to cry about_

_ Cause we'll hold each other soon  _

_ I n the blackest of rooms.” _

Michael opens his eyes, and there's that connection between them again, like it never left.  Like they didn't lose each other for the last ten years.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make my day! I'm also on [Tumblr](https://emma-arthur.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat.


End file.
